can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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