I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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