dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
