she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize