im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
