You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize