your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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