Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
