I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize