Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
