my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
We need to get me chipped asap
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
