just tell him i said nine months
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
