Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
