I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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