so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
