so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize