Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
