At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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