my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
