Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize