I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Will exercising make me less horny?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
