i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
