I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Enjoy the penises
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
