Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize