If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
