Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
