i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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