oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
