This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
