Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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