dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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