I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
