I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
