Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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