it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
