I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
