My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
