$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
you traded sex for a burrito?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
We need to get me chipped asap
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize