You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
