I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
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