I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Randomize
