It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
