and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
