Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
