Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
