Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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