lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Buhtt sex?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
