honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize