Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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