i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
