i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
