After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
It was like giving head to a cactus.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
