69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
