I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
