you win again, gameday.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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