he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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