I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
