someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Randomize
