we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
