I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
