I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
