he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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