I love black thongs
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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