I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
