Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
