I got chris browned last night
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
