Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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