why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
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