Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize