You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Randomize
