Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Randomize
