saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
