He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
